The Hardest Thing
by Boz92
Summary: As Brendan prepares of a big day, he takes some time to reflect on his time spent with Ste.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the charaters in this story they were created my Hollyoaks as was the setting of Hollyoaks.**

**Author's Note: Ok so this is my first attempt at some Stendan Fan fiction (that I wrote about 2 months ago but have taken a while to pluck up the courage to upload) so please go easy on me, I hope whoever reads this enjoys it but any criticisms are of course welcome! **

The Hardest Thing

It was the hardest thing Brendan Brady knew he'd ever have to do; putting on that suit and heading out of the door towards the rest of his life, and so in typical Brendan fashion he delayed a while. He took more time than usual getting out of bed, who could blame him? He was tired. He took more time than usual having something to eat; butter out of the fridge was always hard to spread on his toast after all, and he took more time than usual in the shower as the nerves slowly crept up on him in his usual morning raceme. This wasn't just any other day and Brendan knew it, he felt it in the pit of his stomach as it tied itself into a very tight knot.

"Bren? You nearly ready love? You need to be there when Ste gets there you know?" Chez sounded loudly from downstairs laughing at the end knowing full well that Brendan already knew he had to be there.

Brendan ran his fingers along his moustache, smoothing out the rough silver hairs and look took a long hard look at himself in the mirror. _Steven._ It would be fair to say that they had become a lot closer over the past few months and though Brendan knew he would always have to pay for his mistakes, he was more than grateful to get the chance to stand next to Ste that day.

"How do I look?" Brendan asked coming down the stairs carefully and doing a slight, unstable turn at the bottom to give his sister the full effect.

Chez stepped forward messing with his tie, much to Brendan's annoyance, "perfect" she smiled taking a step back to look at her brother with love.

"Don't look at me like that Chez, not today, I'm going to have enough of that look today" Brendan explained readjusting is tie back to the way it was.

"You know you can still back out of this? You don't have to prove to him you love him, he already knows that."

"I thought I told you; I want to do this Chez, he wanted me to do this and so I want to do this. Simple" Brendan explained talking a little faster than usual, almost like if he didn't get the words out quickly, they would never be said.

Cheryl smiled and tried to change his tie again, "Can we just leave it now Chez!" Brendan exclaimed backing away from his sister.

"It's just a bit crooked that's all" Cheryl explained touching her brother's arm concernedly.

Confusion flashed across Brendan's face, "What? No. I, I meant the whole Steven thing. Not the. But yeah, that too." They both chuckled and Cheryl took her brothers arm under hers linking him tightly and heading towards the door and into the village.

_Brendan knew this was the hardest thing he was going to have to do, after the explosion in his Nana Flo's summer house in September, the fire catching his legs badly, the doctors told him a temporary wheelchair would be the best option. Being Brendan of course he had argued against it but in the end it was Cheryl who had pleaded with him to have the chair and he had finally given in, on one condition of course; that no one would mollycoddle him or try to push him around. He still stuck to that principle, certainly, but looking up at the stairs leading to the Brady flat he almost wished he didn't have to be so proud. _

_ "Brendan!" A familiar voice shouted from behind him and he instantly knew who the concerned voice belonged to._

_ "Steven. How are you?" Brendan asked cheerfully turning is chair to face the boy who shuffled awkwardly in front of him._

_ "I'm good, better than you it seems anyway."_

_ "You always did have a wonderful way with words Steven. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to get to." Brendan explained starting to turn his chair back towards the steps._

_ "Yeah, I know, that's why I came over here actually. To see if you needed any help." Ste treaded carefully knowing just how much the moustached man hated the offer of any sort of help._

_ "Well that's very kind of you Steven but I'm sure I can do it myself."_

_ "You know you don't always have to do things by yourself, it isn't a weakness to need some help"_

_ Brendan sighed and rubbed his forehead, slowly loosing patients with Ste's jabbering on and the prospect of dragging himself and his wheelchair up the steps still staring him in the face, literally, "Well that's good to know Steven I'll keep that in mind next time I want to open a buissiness and need to scam you out of, oh let's say, eighty grand." _

_ He hadn't meant it, for course he hadn't and Ste knew that too, "Just cause you're frustrated with yourself Brendan doesn't mean you have to take it out on me, but that's what you're best at isn't it?"_

_ Brendan looked glumly to the ground the reminder of the times he had hurt Ste running through his mind, he had nothing to say, he hadn't minded losing the eighty thousand in the end, he had only minded losing Ste, the thing Ste had made more than clear he would never get back. And yet it baffled Brendan because here he was, trying to help him. Maybe he was just thick, he never had been the smartest of his staff in Brendan's eyes, but he had been the most caring. He had cared when Carmel was being used for a drugs mule and he cared enough about Rae to try and get her the DJing job. _

_ "I'm sorry ok, I just wanted to help that's all but if you don't want me to well fine, I'll go!" explained Ste going away in one of his huffs like he had back when they were still in each other's lives. _

_ "Steven! Steven! I'm sorry come back." Ste slowly made his way back towards Brendan, his sulking face still slightly showing. "I do need your help," Brendan looked around and leaned closer to Ste, "…please." _

_ Ste smiled smugly, "That wasn't so hard was it?"_

_ "Shut up and help me." Brendan snapped shifting himself in the chair._

_ "You're welcome by the way." Ste said while moving round to the back of Brendan's chair. _

The hardest thing Brendan found was just putting one foot in front of the other to walk through the village, he hadn't long been walking again and never outside, and though his legs still seemed a little stiff this wasn't Brendan's problem. His knees were shaking uncontrollably and he knew it was written all over his face.

"You ok love?" Cheryl asked stopping for a moment, "Am I walking too fast?"

"No, no it's not that, It's just…I'm just a, it doesn't matter." Brendan's voice strained a little and he wondered how he would get through the day, especially the speeches if his voice were to keep playing up with emotion the whole time.

"It's ok to be nervous you know love? It isn't a weakness." Brendan chuckled at his sister trying to seem sarcastic, he was afraid it had failed when another concerned look was thrown his way. _It isn't a weakness._

People from all around the village were heading in the same direction as them now and this made Brendan uneasy, weak smiles from passers-by who hadn't seen him walk for a while made angry bubble in his stomach, if there was one thing he couldn't stand it was false sympathy, it was only when a small female voice carefully addressed Brendan that he realised his legs might not be the only reason for people's smiles.

"Brendan?" Amy Barnes had stopped right in front of him and his sister fidgeting awkwardly while trying to keep an eye on a smartly dress Leah and Lucas on a bench close by.

"Amy, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Brendan asked smirking slightly.

Amy chuckled at the reference to one of their conversations back in early 2011, things had certainly changed. "I just wanted to come over and say thank you, for today I mean, it really does mean a lot to Ste."

Brendan tried to swallow his nerves and smile unsuccessfully.

"You know no matter what happened between you in the past, he never stopped caring about you, much to my horror of course." Amy looked to the ground almost ashamed, "That's all changed now though you know, I'm grateful he has you Brendan, to look after him while I'm in Manchester. I know you'd never let anyone hurt him. So, yeah, just thanks I guess."

"That's very thoughtful of you Amy." Brendan commented nodding once and taking a step forward to carry on his journey.

"Brendan, wait until you see Ste, I saw him just earlier, he looks amazing. I think you're gunna' just love it."

Brendan half laughed, "Like I don't already?"

There is was again; that smile.

_This was the hardest thing Brendan had ever had to do in his life, he handed his coat begrudgingly over to the man who had requested it and made his way over to the man who would now ask him a question,_

_ "Reservation name?"_

_ "Brady"_

_ "Very good Mr. Brady, your other guest has already arrived and is waiting in the bar area, would you like me to send someone…"_

_ It had always infuriated Brendan the amount of people restaurants believed they needed just to serve him up some dinner, "no that's fine I'll go" He answered, his patients wearing thin. _

_ The bar was filling up more quickly than any usual dinnertime meal and so it made it much more difficult to make his way through the crowd of people. As you can probably guessed this annoyed Brendan and he was almost ready to throw the towel in and head back to his flat, the whole idea to him had been ludicrous, when a couple moved from the bar to go to their table. _

_ Brendan caught his breath, suddenly glad that he hadn't headed home as the young man sat at the bar, sipping what Brendan could only assume from past knowledge was a Vodka and Coke. In that moment Brendan cocked his head to one side, content that if he stayed staring at the boy all night he would have just as much of a good time than if he actually let the night begin. _

_ It wasn't very often that Ste wore a suit, much to the dissatisfaction of Brendan who had never understood his objection to wearing something that made him look so good. However, tonight had been different and so Ste had gone to some trouble to make the effort, much to the satisfaction of Brendan, who had still not moved from watching the man sip at his drink and glance at the time once too often; obviously nervous._

_ "Great." Ste sighed loudly looking at his glass disappointed and increasingly angry. The man threw the drink back and stepped off his bar stool grabbing his phone off the bar and stopping dead in his tracks in front of a smirking Brendan, "I thought you weren't gunna'…"_

_ "You look beautiful" The words came out of Brendan's mouth before he had chance to stop them and I think it's fair to say it shocked both men equally._

_ Ste blushed slightly looking away from Brendan's very direct gaze, "I don't really, I just…thank you Brendan. Of course you do, but you always do."_

_ "You want another drink or should we go and eat now?" Brendan asked signalling towards the bar or the tables on a floor slightly below the bar. _

_ "Let's eat, not sure you'd be able to see over the bar in your chair." Ste regretted the words as they came out, "I mean, I wasn't being…you know?"_

_ Brendan laughed, "Calm down Steven, let's go and eat something." _

_ The food was awful, as Brendan had expected, though he often believed in you get what you pay for, sadly he also believed the same did not go for fancy restaurants, in fact, he was almost certain he was paying for the wages of too many staff instead. _

_ "How's the physiotherapy going?" Ste asked putting down his knife and fork at the end of the main course._

_ "Good, good." Brendan replied shovelling more food into his mouth, he had always liked to eat, good or bad food he still had a good appetite._

_ "Brendan?"_

_ Brendan stopped a moment and looked across the table at a very serious Ste, "What?"_

_ "How is it REALLY going?" Ste sat back and watched the high built wall around the dark haired man fall as he sighed and put his knife and fork down and his hands flat on the table,_

_ "Not great. I still can't get up from crawling around on the floor like some fucking child!" Brendan hissed becoming agitated by the conversation. _

_ Ste took hold of Brendan's hand on the table without thinking, "Hey, hey, don't get yourself wound up, the doctor said this would take time and at least your crawling Bren."_

_ Brendan made and unconvinced sound in his throat, "You could have lost your legs altogether Bren, think about it…" Ste tried to reason only to get no response, "Brendan you could have…" Ste's voice broke at the end of the sentence, "we might not have even been here Bren." Ste said softly and quietly, gripping onto Brendan's hand more tightly, as if to test how far Brendan would let him touch him in public._

_ "Maybe it would have been better if I ha…" Brendan began until he felt Ste's hand snatch away from his quickly._

_ "DON'T YOU DARE! How could you? After all this work?" Ste hissed loudly alerting a few couples around them._

_ Brendan looked up from his plate into the face of a teary Ste, "Look, I'm sorry, I am. You know I don't mean that" _

_ Another tear cascaded down Ste's tanned check, "Then stop saying IT." Ste explained wiping his face with a red napkin on the table._

_ "I know, I know. I'm sorry, just, come here; give me your hand back."_

_ "What?" Ste asked the tears stopping almost instantly, this was the second uncharacteristic thing Brendan had done in the night._

_ "Let me hold your hand, what?" Brendan didn't sound as shocked at this one, in fact he was taking it more for granted and so Ste smiled and placed his hand back into Brendan's now open hand half way across the table. _

_ "I really care about you Steven, you know that don't you?" Brendan asked looking down at their joint hands._

_ "Yeah, course I do Brendan."_

_ "Good…Good" Brendan whispered never taking his eyes off Ste's hand. _

_ Desert proved much nicer with Brendan ordering a trio of cheesecakes, it had made Ste laugh how Brendan had complained that he didn't receive three pieces cheesecakes but small versions of each. _

_ "Why would you want three full pieces cheesecakes to yourself? Ste laughed trying not to disturb the whole restaurant._

_ "I like my food Steven, you know that." Brendan explained trying to scrape the remains of his cheesecakes off the dish._

_ "Well yeah you've eaten my deli clean on some occasions, especially if there's jam" Brendan opened his mouth the correct the dark blonde man, "Seedless, I know" he giggled a wide grin appearing on his face, a grin that reminded Brendan of the way Ste had looked after a few drinks on their first night out together, the first year he had moved to Hollyoaks. _

_ Brendan put down the plate and fork that had contained his cheesecake and stared at Ste who was still trying to control his laughter after, what was becoming more obvious as, a few too many glasses of wine._

_ "What?" Ste laughed, "Do I have something on my face?" He asked rubbing around his face clumsily._

_ "I love you Steven Hay." Ste stopped laughing; all of a sudden he didn't think it was so funny anymore, "With all my heart." Brendan declared loudly and more sincerely than Ste had ever seen him say anything. Ste sat silently a moment, stunned, as Brendan turned and asked a waitress for the bill, winking at Ste as he turned back to the table, "Happy Valentine's Day."_

The hardest thing was getting the park ready and hoping to god it didn't rain overnight, much to Brendan's relief as they approached the carefully arranged venue it seemed that it had been the prefect choice to have the ceremony outside. As Brendan and Cheryl entered from the back they admired the arch covered in flowers that had been Cheryl and Amy's job of course, Brendan wouldn't be caught dead arranging flowers to look pretty, and in all honesty Brendan thought it was all too much fuss.

Darren and Nancy sat near the back, near where Brendan and Cheryl had entered and gave them a nod as they came into view, "Awww he looks adorable babe!" Cheryl cooed towards the little boy on Nancy's knee, who was wearing a small suit himself.

Nancy smiled at her little boy, "Thanks have you seen small Leah and Lucas? They make the perfect little usher and flower girl!" Nancy explained signalling over to the children sat near their blonde hair mother.

Brendan sighed, he couldn't endure the constant babbling of nonsense, he looked at Darren who had the same disgruntled look on his face.

"Alright mate?" Darren asked nodding at Brendan who must have seemed off in his own world.

"Yeah, yeah. You?"

"Yeah mate. It looks amazing by the way; Ste's gunna' be so proud." Brendan laughed lightly again as he was met with the same smile from Darren, "Nervous?" Darren questioned quietly, knowing how Brendan felt about sharing his emotions.

Brendan rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, a little, I just, I guess I thought I'd never, you know?" Brendan babbled himself now, looking at his shoes.

"Yeah, you'll be fine mate; I heard Ste has made a trio of cheesecakes as one of the deserts so that will be something to look forward to." Darren laughed, aware of Brendan's love for food, but unaware of the connection he just made.

"Yeah," Brendan forced a smile, "he always liked cheesecake" _why would you want three full pieces of cheesecake to yourself?_

Darren looked down at his hands, "You really love him don't you? I mean I know you do, I just I don't think anyone realises how much"

"Yeah" Brendan looked straight at Darren seriously, "that's why I'm here."

_Brendan woke up more peacefully than he expected to, he knew he was about to attempt the hardest day of his life, and so he looked beside him at the dark blonde haired boy that had been sound asleep in that very spot every night for the past eight months. Brendan couldn't believe the time that had past so quickly, from first coming home in his wheelchair to looking at a beautiful sleeping Ste, who, despite everything, was in love with him. _

_ When Ste woke up he smiled knowing the man he loved would be beside him, however, as he opened his eyes to the empty bed he took a moment to realise the smell of food coming from the kitchen must have been Brendan. _

_ "Morning, What are you doing?" Ste asked bending down and giving Brendan a kiss on the cheek when he reached him cooking in the kitchen._

_ "I am making pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, tomatoes, fruit, and yogurt. All the trimmings" Brendan smiled, obviously proud of himself._

_ "Thanks, but why all the effort? Why so much food as well?"_

_ "You didn't think I'd forget your birthday did you? And the food, well the food is for me, clearly." _

_ Ste snorted laughing; "Clearly" he teased poking at Brendan's stomach. _

_ "Hey! I'm in fine shape for a man of my age"_

_ "Oh yeah I forgot you're not in your prime anymore granddad!" Ste laughed running away from Brendan who now chased him in his chair. _

_"Come back here boy I'll teach you some manners!" Brendan joked pursuing Ste quite well considering he was in a wheelchair. _

_ "Alright! Alright! You're young! I promise!" Ste shouted stopping just before the door to the flat. _

_ Brendan tapped his knee for Ste to sit down on and Ste obliged, kissing the older man hard on the lips as he sat, "I love you Brendan. You didn't have to do all this for me, I would have been happy just waking up with you." _

_ Brendan caught Ste in another kiss, "I know, but I wanted to, now go and sit at the table and I'll serve up." _

_ Breakfast was fairly quiet apart from the occasional idle chit chat, which Brendan endured through gritted teeth for the man he loved. _

_ "I'll clear the plates away" Ste declared at the end of breakfast getting up from his seat._

_ "Actually Steven, could you just sit down a minute please?" Brendan asked calmly nodding back towards Ste's seat. _

_ Ste backed up, placing the plates back on the table and sitting uncomfortably in his place, "Sure, what's up?"_

_ "Nothing Steven, nothing's wrong, I just wanted to talk to ye a second." _

_ "Oh right, are you sure?" Ste took hold of Brendan's hand lovingly and Brendan placed his over Ste's._

_ "Yeah. This is how it's meant to be you know Steven? You and me? It was. I was never meant to hurt you the way I did."_

_ "Bren…"_

_ "No let me finish. I always loved you Steven, in my own way, not the right way I know, but I did and I will always love you."_

_ "And I'll always love you Brendan, where has all this come from?"_

_ "I hope you will Steven because today is a very special day you know?"_

_ Ste looked around unsure, "Is it? It's not a massive birthday."_

_ "Yeah, it is Steven. You see today" Brendan shifted in his seat lifting himself out of his chair and onto his knees on the floor._

_ "Brendan? What are you doing do you need help?" Ste asked concerned for the safety and probably sanity of his boyfriend._

_ "No, no just sit down I'm fine."_

_ "How can you be fine? You just threw yourself on the floor!" Ste exclaimed taking Brendan by the arm to help._

_ "Steven stop! Just, just sit down" Brendan lifted one of his legs from the kneeling position, "You see today is the day…"_

_ "Brendan?" Ste started to put together in his mind what was going on and felt himself welling up._

_ "Today is the day I ask you to marry me, Steven."_

Brendan stood at the end of the aisle messing with his tie; he suddenly felt the eyes of the guests upon him as the music started. Suddenly his heart thudded in his chest, he never realised how hard it would be until then.

Ste breathed deeply, feeling his nerves taking over as he waited for his children to grace the aisle before him. Suddenly his heart thudded in his chest, he never realised how hard it would be until then.

Ste rounded the corner smiling nervously, he had asked Cheryl to be by his side, feeling it only right considering how good friends they had been over the years. Amy turned to Brendan, whose eyes hadn't yet left Ste since he had turned the corner into the ceremony.

Brendan couldn't see anything else in the world; his focus, his thoughts and all his feelings were on Ste, Brendan was sure it was the longest aisle he had ever seen someone walk down; he didn't want it to end. But it had to, Brendan knew this and the world came back into focus as Ste reached the end of the aisle and stood smiling opposite Doug.

Brendan stood beside Ste all the way through the ceremony, going over in his head the speech he had been trying to remember all day. Cheryl stood behind him of course tearing up at the vows the two men shared and as the registrar declared them as married, so did Brendan, but not for the same reasons.

CLING. CLING. CLING.

Brendan stood up shakily, looking out to the faces of most of the residence of Hollyoaks village; he didn't feel as brave anymore. A cough from the mainly silver haired man silenced the final whisperings.

"When Steven approached me and told me he was getting married, I think it's fair to say I wasn't thrilled" a small forced chuckle from the crowd could be heard, unsure as to whether or not the joke was told in spite, "But of course as time moved on," Brendan took a shaky breath, "So did I." Brendan caught the eye of Darren in the crowd who smiled at him sympathetically again. "And as I stand here today, I am proud to say I was Steven's best man, because it's ironic," Brendan laughed as tears threatened to sting his eyes, "cause you all know I'm not the best man…he is." Brendan turned to look directly at Ste, who sat silently staring back into his eyes. "But I want to address this to you Douglas. It was a long time coming but you won in the end didn't you? I'm not going to stand here and threaten you to look after him Douglas, I can do that better than you ever could," Brendan looked at Amy and winked, "But you are special Douglas and this is a special day, because today is the day you got Steven here to marry you. The one thing that I could never do." A tear fell onto Brendan's cheek; he didn't attempt to move it, as he raised the champagne glass in the air, "To Douglas and HIS Steven."

Brendan was wrong, he realised that now. Everything else was child's play because the hardest thing Brendan would ever have to do was to give his Steven away.


End file.
